Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Obamabilia and Bling

We don’t need a federal stimulus package to get this economy rolling again.

We have Obamabilia and Obamabling.

On this inauguration day, just moments after the swearing in, you can buy coins and plates and jewelry and pins and hats and just about anything adorned with the new president's likeness.

Save the economy? You bet.

An eBay search for “Obama” identified 22,002 items ready for purchase, and that doesn’t include all the high-quality stuff available off your TV, usually for $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

Want an Obama t-shirt. EBay has 2,756 different ones out there ready for wearing. Need a poster? The site has 1,767 waiting to adorn your wall. And while newspapers struggled to survive, you can find 1,015 different front pages reminding you that Obama won the election.

It gets even better. For just over $110,000 you can ride in Obama’s old 2005 Chrysler 300 Series C sedan. The seller promises to verify Obama drove this vehicle from 2004 to 2007. Really. He can prove it. And the car only has 20,000 miles, according to the seller. Obama probably found a really good parking space and visited the car on weekends.

Talk about a way to save the American car industry.

So a billion dollars here, a billion dollars there, while it may all eventually add up to real money, let’s get down to the real economic stimulus at work – people selling stuff associated with the first black U.S. president.

There’s nothing wrong with this. Sure, Sean Hannity whines on his daily talk radio show about people being bonkers for Obama, but nothing is as American and capitalist-friendly as finding a way to make a buck off someone else, especially if you don’t have to cut them in on the action.

I’m sorry, Hannity. Say what you will about the doltish Democrats, but to complain about people selling stuff, that’s just wrong. Selling is apple pie and capitalism at its best, so take care. In other words, Hannity, how dare you badmouth the United States of America.

Now that I’ve finished riffing off Animal House and making fun of a goofy talk radio guy, let’s return to the key point that Obama’s face and name will save our foundering economy.

People will buy anything. That’s well established by infomercials and the popularity of light beer, so it's time to widen the Obamabilia to include a bunch of new products, from the president's own person line of cars (if you'll buy an Eddie Bauer edition, you'll buy anything), hybrid vehicles that run on the promise of fuel. And there's Obamapizza (green olives and green peppers). The cash register industry can alter keyboards -- when it's time to give change, have a picture of Obama on the right button or key. We could even have inflatable Obama Christmas decorations.

The possibilities are endless.

Want the entire Animal House quote by Otter? Here it is:
But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

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